Change is hard. It’s scary. It’s also sometimes quite necessary. A bad marriage has several definitions, depending on who you are, I guess. What is your definition of marriage?
Love is my definition of marriage. But, just like everything else in life, love doesn’t come easily. Right? Two people love each other, but they were raised completely differently, so their communication styles differ. That’s not a problem if you work at it. (I am having a Friends flashback where Monica and Chandler don’t want to marry too quickly but don’t want to hurt the other with this reality so they keep asking questions and saying “I LOVE YOU” at the end of those questions….)
So back to definitions. A marriage without love isn’t a marriage (in my definition) because love is all you need and all you take with you.
The love you have is different for your parents, different for your children and different for your spouse (or Dave Chappelle because I love me some Dave Chappelle). So, it’s not a one-size fits all situation.
To me, a bad marriage is loveless. It does not have to be being in a nagging or abusive situation. It just lacks love… or joy.
I’ve had so many clients (and friends) tell me that they have a roommate; that they are staying for the kids; that they will “just deal” until they can’t anymore.
That is settling. That is selling yourself short. That is abuse of your own self.
So… how do I get back to why I sat down to write this blog? I have on Bad Moms Christmas – obviously one of the classics – alone in the house thinking “holy cow, I would NEVER watch this with my kid!” I’m not. This is my alone weekend… and so many GOOD moms (and dads) can’t stomach that, but there is something to be said for “me” (you) time … something about watching a raunchy Christmas movie is going to make me a better mom so that when my kid is back with me next weekend, I can stomach the G-rated movies with a smile and some hot cocoa.
So, I know that there are a lot of you out there just sticking it out for the holidays … hang in there and make the right decision for you come New Year’s. I’ll be here when you need me.